Why we are known as the chicken people, locally.
Things my neighbors have probably heard bellowed from my yard, with little to no context, because I have chickens:
"Stop eating GLASS you idiot!!"
"Stop eating PLASTIC you idiot!!"
"STOP EATING THAT, JUST STOP."
"Your feet are poopy, GET OFF MY HEAD."
"Derp Derp Derp Derp DERP DERP DERP COME HERE DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP”
"Aw lookit that egg LOOK AT THAT EGG *signs about eggs*"
"Why is there so much poop?!! WHY IS THERE SO MUCH POOP EVERYWHERE?!”
"GET OFF OF HER YOU ARE NOT A ROOSTER."
"Stop eating my fingers!"
*singing, loudly, to the tune of the “Work Song” from Cinderella:*
Night and day, it’s Derperelly!
Make the egg, fix-a feather, visit Grill, have a dustbath,
And the dusting and the dusting!
They always keep her hopping!
She go around in circles, till she’s very, very dizzy!
“THAT IS NOT FOOD!”
"Chickens, come here chickens! Chickens. CHICKENS. COME HERE HEY, GODDAMNIT, CHICKENS, oh hello Derp. <3 “
"Come here, I love your butt. It is so fluffy I LOVE YOUR BUTT.”
"Get out of there! Get OUT OF THERE, OR I WILL EAT YOU FOR DINNER.”
"Stop wiping your face on my clean pants! I DON’T WANT THAT STOP IT!"
Actual things I’ve seen my neighbors witness, as they have walked or driven by:
- A full grown woman, apparently, holding a chicken up as high as she can, while spinning slowly and singing up to it- multiple times;
- Two full grown people, sitting in the driveway at 10pm, each holding a chicken and silently dipping it into a bucket, for hours at a time, every day for two weeks (we were medicating their feet);
- An adult woman, with a large floppy hat on, and a large chicken on one shoulder, while another was cradled in her arms;
- Two adult persons, laughing uproariously, while placing chickens in an apple tree, on on one another, on parked vehicles, or in other places chickens normally are not;
- An adult woman, chasing a small chicken through a large lawn, waving a stick and screaming “DON’T EAT THAT!!”;
- An adult woman, gardening with a chicken perched upon her head;
- An adult woman, answering the door for various reasons such as getting a delivery, or door to door salespersons, while adorned in one or more chickens such as on shoulders, in arms, and once wrapped in a towel with only the butt sticking out.
Pretty sure we’re highly regarded in my neighborhood.